I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
