non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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