actually, I'm a sock model
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
