Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
