he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
