Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
