this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
