So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
