My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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