Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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