I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
