I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
