$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
