Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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