Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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