drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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