his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
