he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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