So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
