We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
that may or may not have been my penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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