So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
