im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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