i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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