I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
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that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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