My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ttyl tear gas
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
