He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i out mim tonsoeep
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
