i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
