i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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