Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
