4 words: hood of his car
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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