I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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