We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
