dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
