weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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