if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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