Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
