I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
