I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
