I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
