what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
