hotel room ftw
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
