8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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