Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
