i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
