I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
