i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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