Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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