I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
