My brain says no but my pants say off.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
