I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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