I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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