there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
