My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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