he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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