I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
