I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
