Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
