Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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