Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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