I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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