if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
