Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
