She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
