I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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