We named our party play list daddy issues
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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