if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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