i think my tv is drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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