clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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