It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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