Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will be naked everywhere
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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