i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
